Eurovision 2011

Well it's all over for another year after my Annual Tweeting spree in celebration at one of the TV highlights of the year. It's a shame its in the middle of exams this year and I should have been revising but this is a productive waste of time. Anyway it only remains for the votes to come in, but should I have been the only vote in the process this is my leader-board (In Reverse Order with points in brackets):

Finland

Sweden

Greece

Spain

Azerbaijan

Russia

Georgia

Denmark

France

Romania

Ukraine

Lithuania

Bosnia + Herzegovina

Ireland (1)

Serbia (2)

Moldova (3)

Hungary (4)

Estonia (5)

Switzerland (6)

Austria (7)

Germany (8)

Slovenia (10)

Iceland (12)

PS: I left out the UK because I'm still uncertain of how they'll do, I was pleased enough with them so well done to them but we're not winning... Anyway let's see how my results compare!!

Freedom - 501 Words

Rubbish, but passed some time at least:

THE WAITING GAME

JAKE: Phone off and in the box, done. Pens and pencils ready, done. Calculator... Oh bollocks. Oh wait, there it is. Phew. Panic over. I look round at the people around me. They look dead. These exams don't help anyone. You might as well pay for GCSEs. The truth is if you wanna do well, you have to go to private school. Ha, fuck that for a laugh. They're all gay twats anyway. Walking round with their top buttons done up, tie fully up, blazers looking perfect... Na thanks. I'm happy here.
ADJUDICATOR: You have an hour and a half. Your time starts now.
JAKE: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I hate this. I'll give it a go, but I didn't revise... Probably shudda done to be honest. I don't really care though. Just get it done and out the way. Then I can get round to Jenny's with everyone else tonight. Gonna be sick. Apparently Kates going and she is FIT. I mean proper peng. She was going out with ryan, but he started sleeping round and she weren't having any of it, sorted. She even sits next to me in french. Probably why I'm gonna fail this. You can't blame me though...
First question right. qu'est-ce que les gens pensent environ de la nouvelle règle? What the fuck. In english please!! Oh wait.. Erm people... Rule... Environ looks like environment. What rule have the people got on environment?? Hmm... How am I meant to know. I'm not reading all that. I'll look for environ... (Checks the sheet) Nope. Only a couple of marks, who cares. Next one Ou est... Naa, forget it, I'll just skip it. And that... And that. Ahh get in, multiple choice. Right... Erm. Well that ones got the word from the question. That'll do. How long to go? An hour twenty. Fuck.

Look at the adjudicator nazis, waiting to see you do something wrong, so they can take you down. Evil. I'll do this this subtly. If I pretend to drop a pencil and then look round at Sam's answers. See what I can copy. Here goes.

Fuck, wrong side. Stupid fucking elbows in the way. Ahh well, who we got here anyway? Tom, you joking. The guy's a retard. Don't stand a fucking chance now. I think I'll just give up now to be honest. Easiest thing to do. Oh shit, she's seen me as well. The bitch is giving me evils. Fuck off. I couldn't copy anyway, its Tom!
ADJUDICATOR: 10 minutes remaining
JAKE: Jeez, this is long. Ahh I'll just lay here. Let some time pass. What time was it tonight?? Ahh yeah, 7. I'll speak to Dave, see if I can scrape round his til we go. Give me summin' to do. Maybe I'll drop Kate a text to makes sure she's ok and checks shes going. Main reason I'm going. Ahh yes. Booze. I can use daves fake ID and get some for her!! Then she'll have to love me. Maybe pay me back for the favour.
ADJUDICATOR: Time is now up. Please stop writing.
JAKE: Ahh at last. Freedom. I hate being stuck in here. Need some air. And my phone.

(JAKE WALKS REALLY QUICKLY FROM HIS DESK. PICKS UP HIS PHONE AND WALKS OUT)

JAKE: Get in, lets drop a hint.

(ALL OF A SUDDEN, JAKES PHONE STARTS BUZZING)

JAKE: Please be kate, Please be kate! 'Party Cancelled.' Oh fuck.

Photography - 501 Words

Not great, but an attempt at a historical drama piece:

SNAPSHOT IN TIME

(MOSCOW, 31ST NOVEMBER 1934. COURT SESSION IS JUST ABOUT TO START. MR. KONRAD IS SAT IN THE DOCKS ON TRIAL.)

VLADIMIR: You know what needs to be done?
KONRAD: You say it as if I have a choice...
VLADIMIR: Oh you do, just choose the wrong one and your whole family will suffer and not you. Understood?

(KONRAD NODS. AS HE DOES VLADIMIR WALKS OFF STAGE LEAVING KONRAD ON HIS OWN)

JUDGE: Will the defendant please rise.

(KONRAD STANDS)

JUDGE: Please declare the sworn oath of the right honourable Communist Party
KONRAD: I declare, that I shall speak the truth for the good of this court, for the great leader Stalin, for the communist Party and for the sake of the motherland.
JUDGE: Mr Sergei Konrad, you stand in front of the court accused of plotting to overthrow the government from your position of authority as part of the the Politburo. Do you plead guilty or not guilty?

(LIGHTS FOCUS ON KONRAD)

KONRAD: They give me options, but they know that there's only one thing I can do. This was never meant to happen. "I had Potential" Lenin used to say. Apparently not enough to convince Stalin though... I'd worked with Lenin through it all. From the start in 1917, who was there? Me. We would work side by side and we showed promise. We were the revolution. The new Russia that the country so badly wanted and needed. But something changed... That something was the leader.

Lenin's death shocked everyone, myself included. I'd known that he was growing weak but I presumed it would pass. How wrong I was. And that's when the mistake happened. Stalin was never meant to come into power. I knew the truth all along, but it was a case of me and whose army? I was on my own, and I knew if I dared question him, it would be my head on the line much like the rest of them... I suppose it's funny saying that now because it is. A 'secret ballot' they called it. But it was anything but that. I've got to give it to him, he's a wise man that Stalin fellow, he has ears and eyes everywhere. I dared speak for fear of being singled out. We'd all just sit there and watch as the dreams of our great country fall apart right in front of our eyes. Stalin had crushed our hopes for a better future in his hands and when we finally thought we could be our own person but it wasn't to be. I voted against as did 70% of the people there that day. That 70% are now dead. He's trying to make an example of us, show how you don't want to mess with him. He is always right. He is the power. He is the Future.

I look round at the Soviet media everywhere. The reporters await the story, the photographers want their shot. They don't know the truth of it all. It's all a facade, an image, much like Stalin. The reality of it is Stalin isn't the way he has portrayed himself and neither is this trial. I might as well be stood on stage because this is just an act. The fact of the matter is they have me pinned against the wall. My wife, My Parents and even my kids are all imprisoned in our own home. I speak out of place again and they will be no more. Although thinking about it, maybe it would be the best. No good father would ever want their family to grow up in a world like this. Nonetheless, I can't escape fate. It's me that should suffer for 'my crimes'. Change has happened once. It will happen again. I just hope for russia's sake it's soon.

(KONRAD TURNS TO FACE THE JUDGE)

Guilty your honour.
JUDGE: Very well. Sergei Konrad, you are hereby convicted of treason against Stalin and the communist Party. The sentence for such a crime is to be hung. Please prepare yourself for the punishment of your crime. You have 5 minutes. Da zdravstvuet Rossiya mat (Long live mother russia).

(THE COMMUNIST NATIONAL ANTHEM PLAYS WHILST A NOOSE DROPS FROM ABOVE. A SPOTLIGHT FOCUSES AS KONRAD POSITIONS THE NOOSE AROUND HIS NECK. AT THIS POINT A TRAPDOOR MAY BE USED TO REPRESENT HIS DEATH AS THE LIGHTS AND SOUND COMPLETELY STOPS AND BLACKS OUT)

Restrained - 501 Words

My longest one to date... Over a thousand words!:

(MUM, DAD, PAUL [YOUNGER BROTHER] AND ADAM [OLDER BROTHER] ARE SAT AROUND THE TABLE FOLLOWING BREAKFAST. ADAM IS LOOKING IN THE MIRROR TO SORT HIMSELF OUT BEFORE HEADING OUT WHILST ADAM IS SAT AT HIS LAPTOP. ADAM STARTS TO LAUGH AT SOMETHING ON HIS SCREEN)

MUM: What's so funny now adam??
ADAM: (Still laughing) Oh it's nothing, it's just james sent me this link to a penguin who dives off an iceberg.
DAD: I'll tell you something Adam, you do worry me at times...

(ADAM LAUGHS AGAIN, THIS TIME EVEN LOUDER)

PAUL: For gods sake! Can you tell adam to shut up please!! I'm late as it is and he's just making it worse!
MUM: Paul calm down will you! He's only laughing.
PAUL: I don't care! He's always on his laptop anyway. You always tell me off for that.
MUM: Paul, shut up! I'm gonna get angry in a minute, all you two ever do is argue. Honestly, sometimes I wish that I didn't have to be here. All I do is cook, wash, clean, iron and what do I get back from you two? Non-stop bickering and arguing all the time. You're always picking holes in everything he does. Just leave him alone Paul, please.
PAUL: Oh that's it, blame it all on me. Coz' he's obviously the innocent one here isn't he... GOD, it's always me that takes the blame. I'm going I'll be back at 10 tonight, maybe later.
DAD: I'm not picking you up at gone 10! If anything changes, you text me ok?
PAUL: Yes dad, whatever. Bye.

(PAUL SLAMS THE DOOR ON HIS WAY OUT, MURMURING TO HIMSELF)

DAD: Did he just slam the door again, when I next see him, I'm gonna kill him.
MUM: Well it won't be too long. He's left his money and keys here... Let's see how long it takes
before he realises

(THE HOME PHONE RINGS)

DAD: That'll probably be him now, I'll go get it.

(DAD GOES OFFSTAGE TO ANSWER THE PHONE)

MUM: Urgh, this family...
ADAM: Mum?
MUM: (Angry) What is it now?
ADAM: Fine, I won't say then
MUM: No, don't be stupid, what?
ADAM: Well I'm just speaking to James and he's talking about going to Reading again this year and he asked if I could go along?
MUM: Ha, no Adam, I've hear enough bad stuff from last time
ADAM: Who told you what?
MUM: Well George's mum was telling me how last year they were burning down tents, drinking, smoking and doing drugs and well I'm not having you do any of that now.
ADAM: She always has to say something doesn't she. She's like the oracle. She seems to know about everything... Please mum, it's me I'm not gonna do anything. You know me.
MUM: I know, but it's the lot you're going with... We can talk about this later with your dad ok?
ADAM: Oh c'mon...

(PAUL COMES BACK IN AND STARTS LOOKING AROUND AS IF TRYING TO FIND
SOMETHING)

MUM: What are you doing back here already?
PAUL: I'm just sticking on a coat..
MUM: Ok... Fair enough

(PAUL CONTINUES TO LOOK MORE FRANTICALLY)

PAUL: Oh I can't find them...
MUM: What might that be?
PAUL: My keys and wallet. I swear I put them on the windowsill but they're not there.
MUM: Don't tell me you've lost them!!
PAUL: I haven't, I know they're here somewhere
MUM: Now dads gonna be even more angry at you...
PAUL: What have I done now??
MUM: I suggest you find them soon...

(DAD WALKS BACK INTO THE ROOM AND SITS DOWN WITH THE PAPER)

DAD: Turns out it's work, calling me in for an emergency staff shortage, couldn't make us a coffee for the road could ya love?
MUM: Of course I can...

(MUM LEAVES PAUL AND GOES TO BOIL THE KETTLE. DAD BEGINS TO GET READY)

ADAM: Dad, Mum said to ask you if I could go to Reading this year??
DAD: Reading? What's there?
ADAM: It's a music festival? All my friends from school are going and they've invited me along.
DAD: Well when is it?
ADAM: I dunno... Some time in the summer
DAD: well that's no good is it..
ADAM: Please!
MUM: Eric dear, ask him how much it is...
DAD: How much is it then?
ADAM: £210
DAD: And how do you intend to get this money?
ADAM: From you?
DAD: Ha, not a chance, you can get a job thank you very much if you want to go
ADAM: But no ones hiring dad. They all want experience and I have none
DAD: I don't care I'm not paying for your ticket.
PAUL: Ha, gutted
ADAM: Shut up Paul
PAUL: Ooo someone's getting a bit moody
ADAM: Just shut up! Please dad!
DAD: My word is final. Get a job and you can go
MUM: There you are then..

(PAUL LAUGHS TO HIMSELF)

ADAM: Shut up Paul
DAD: Yes, be quiet Paul you're in enough trouble as it is. I have a right mind to stop you going out today.
MUM: And he's lost his keys and wallet...
PAUL: I haven't!! They're here somewhere...
MUM: How about checking the worktop where you left them. Don't do this again. It really gets on my nerves.
PAUL: Cheers mum

(PAUL RUNS, PICKS UP HIS STUFF AND GOES)

ADAM: So that's it then, I can't go. Thanks for nothing...
DAD: Look its a lot of money, money we don't have so you can sort it yourself if you do. Understood?
ADAM: (Quiet, quite reserved) Whatever.. I don't really care anymore anyway. I'm going back to bed. Why can I never just do what everyone else can do. You always hold me back from everything. I'm 17 mum in case you hadn't realised..

(ADAM WALKS OFF)

MUM: Well handled... He's gonna be in a mood all day now
DAD: Well it's not my fault. He needs to learn. You got the coffee??
MUM: Of course here

(MUM HANDS DAD A TRAVEL MUG OF COFFEE)

DAD: Right cheers, I'll be back later, I dunno when.
MUM: Alright dear, love you.

(DAD LEAVES MUM WHO TURNS ON THE RADIO AND SINGS TO HERSELF AS SHE BEGINS TO TIDY UP)

Hope - 501 words

(THE FOOTBALL TEAM ARE ALL SAT AROUND AT HALF TIME IN THE CHANGING ROOM. WHILST TALKING GARY BURSTS INTO THE ROOM AND AS HE DOES ALMOST COMPLETE SILENCE FALLS OVER THE ROOM)

GARY: Well boys... What was that shit? Anyone? Because I'll tell you something for nothing, that is no where near what you can do. You train 5 hours a day, paid millions and this is what you give back? Well IT'S JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I look round here and I don't see one bad player, I see a team that should be going out there now and giving everything they've got it. Reality shock here divas it's half time, you're 3-0 down to the bottom club who haven't won a game in 3 months and we are being completely dominated. Bollocks, that's all I can say. Absolute bollocks.

Dave mate, you're skipper, what's going on out there?? Hmm?

(NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING)

Exactly you can't answer, says it all really. Well if this wasn't so important to me today I'd say fuck it. Win today, the title is ours and I can retire a happy man, but at the moment we're doing nothing and at this rate we could struggle to keep first place on goal difference. We've had entire season where you've put your blood, sweat and tears into the footy and you wanna fuck it all up on the last game well I'm not having. I'm bringing on Danny to replace you scotty, nothing personal mate but we need some fresh legs in the centre of the park to get the ball moving. Quick passes boys, touch and go, it's all simple football. That's all I'm asking. And we've gotta keep pushing forward. First to everything alright? Header, it's yours, long ball, you win it. Put them under pressure coz they're not a good team. You know that as well as I do, but you're making em look it at the moment.

I want you to go out there this half and give it all you've got. We've got 45 minutes which could make or break us, so pretend the first half didn't happen. Start a fresh, 0-0 again and we stand every chance alright?? Remember guys, we're a team. You cannot play as a group of individuals so work off each other. You can all help each other out and so pass the ball, look for the easy options, and if it's not there, look long, I'm sure Beany will get on the end of it and hold it up, then we do the same again. Oh and test the keeper. We had one shot in that half and he almost fluffed it. He's not the tallest guy in the word either so in the corners and he won't stand a chance.

So let's do this boys, get out there and so me and the fans what we can do!!

(THE PLAYERS LEAVE THE ROOM FIRST SHOUTING AS THEY DO. GARY FOLLOWS ACCOMPANIED BY SOME BACKGROUND STADIUM NOISE. WE HEAR 3 LOUD CHEERS AND FINALLY THE REFEREES WHISTLE. A RADIO VOICE THEN RISES OVER THE SOUNDS)

ANNOUNCER: And they've done it! From 3-0 down at half time, the scarlets have pulled it back to win the game and the title! Unbelievable scenes here. Fans are over the moon right not and have invaded the pitch. There's some ugly scenes right now, but they don't care.. The police are coming in to clear things up but there is a roar round the stadium. The atmosphere has been electric and the fans rally have got what they wanted out of the game. And as the fans clear the field, the trophy is carried on by the Chairman of the FA who hands it the now legend that is Gary Banstaple, who lifts it in the air. And once again the crowd erupts. It's all over here for another season. The Lightreach Scarlets are champions once again!

Opinion - 501 Words

For those of you that know me, you'll know that I have some great influences in my life, and one of these influences is Paul Foster (@PAFoster on twitter). I was casually looking through my twitter feed a while back and up popped a link to his website / blog thing ( www.pafoster.com if you want to check it out), so me being nosy, I thought I'd check it out. In doing so I discovered 501 words, a scheme whereby 'the word of the day' is used to inspire writers to write over 501 words, hence the name. On reading Paul's attempt I thought to myself, I wanna give this a go for myself but I never got round to it... That was at least until last night. Half 10 at night, I'm sat bored on my computer and I thought to myself it's time to be productive. So this is my first attempt at trying to create a piece of drama, and the word of the day was 'Opinion'. ENJOY!! (PS I'll post any I do onto here so I have an online record to for people to look at) :

SALLY: I've always grown up thinking to myself, I want to be me and no one else. I look around at the people in college and all of them dress the same. The 'preppy' look so everyone wears their Topman jeans, Doc Martins Boots and Barbour Jackets, but not me. It may mean something to some people to help them fit in, but to be honest I don't care. I've been through a lot from my old school. Some people could call it an emo stage, I didn't wanna leave the house in the mornings, I didn't wanna talk to anyone, but to me it was just 5 years of bullying.

I took to drugs you know, nothing hardcore, but it kept me going. I'd be high most of the time and fuck knows what shit I was injecting into myself. To be honest I didn't care, if I killed myself so be it, I just didn't see the point to life. Now normally people would 'blame the parents' but they did nothing. Maybe thats why I should be mad at them, but had they tried to stop, I would have killed em. Thats how fucked up I was.

But what happened then isn't the same now. I've tried to start again I guess, but no matter what I try it'll never leave me. Everything I do, I do because of what happened and I wouldn't change it, no matter how much it was killing me inside at the time. Even my hair and clothes represent me. I've had more different hair colours than those charmeleon things and my clothes, well its mine. People may stop and looks but fuck them. I'm sorry I'm not one of your clones. I'm sorry I am me. Sally Wallis. Ha, saying this now, It feels like some epic speeches from one of those films before the characters goes to face certain death but I'm not. I've just seen too many of 'em.

The thing is I don't normally like to tell people what I feel. It's nice keeping it inside coz then you know that no one knows. If no one knows, they can't use it against me and well people can presume all is good. I hide it you see, if you show it, you're weak. Its like anything, you show them that you can't handle it and they will break you.

(HER PHONE RINGS. AS IT DOES SKINDRED'S 'STAND FOR SOMETHING' CAN BE HEARD PLAYING AS A RINGTONE)

Ahh, I'll answer it later, I just love the ringtone. I do it all the time just so I can hear the song. You know like one of those songs that mean something to do almost as if they tell your life story, well this is mine. I saw them playing at Reading last year and they were so good! Rasta AND metal music at the same time. Such an eargasm.

(THE CHORUS PLAYS AND SALLY SINGS ALONG)

If you want it you got to rise and take it,
You go to wake up you know you can't contain this.
Stand for something!
Or you'll fall for anything.

If you want it you got to fight for it,
Wake up you'll never contain it.
Stand for something!
Or you'll fall for anything.

It's on my ipod and I've played it like 300 times. Thats when you know you've got a real tune, when no matter how many times you listen to it, it still means something and you don't get bored of it. You ask anyone of my friends and they'll tell you just how much of an addiction this song is...

(AS SHE SPEAKS, HER PHONE RINGS AGAIN)

Ha, I feel popular. I guess I'd better answer or they won't shut up... But I might just let it play a little longer

(THE SONG PLAYS AGAIN AND FADES OUT)

Day Two - It's been a hard day's night (8)

It’s been a Hard Day’s night.

And I’ve been working like a dog. We were rudely awoken after the WORST nights sleep ever, well if you can even call it that considering I didn’t shut my eyes. At 4 AM, feeling like the walking dead we were up and the torture didn’t stop there.

Huge queues in the airport and 3 hours of waiting for a flight almost killed all of us. Theres only so much of the manchester accent I can take before I start going insane. The pain can be compared, if you watch big brother, to thousands of Corins EVERYWHERE. But nonetheless we fought on through the noise, had an amazing buffet breakfast, about the only good thing to have come out of our trip to Manchester.

The plane journey itself was... bearable. 9 hours and 20 minutes is a hell of a long time to do nothing, yet that’s what I did. I can never sleep on a plane so had to endure the little kids that surrounded me but I made it to America with almost an entire sudoku book completed and 2 more of my Sherlock Holmes’ scripts completed. I did feel a sense of achievement.

The most awkward thing was being lost in a hire car that your dad doesn’t know how to drive, when the sat nav doesn’t know where you’re going. It took 2 hours for a 45 minute journey including plenty of sightseeing and toll booths, one of which could come back to haunt us as we didn’t pay.

But we did eventually make it here to The Caribe Cove, which is new hence the reason very few people knew of it. It's located in Kissimmee and is really close to all the local attractions so I have no doubt we'll be out and about a lot which means plenty to talk about. Unlimited free use of internet, gym, pool and DVDs make this IDEAL for me. I have already made use of all the facilities and have not been disappointed.

Then finally a meal at my FAVOURITE place to eat EVER. Tony Roma’s on International Drive.

Having been to Florida, staying just up the road about 4 years ago now, I have very fond memories of the place, but none quite so as this place. They are a chain restaurant with a branch in kingston, but it’s not the same. Full racks of ribs with their amazing chips and their luxurious BBQ sauce that will give your taste buds an orgasm. Highly recommended should you want to come out here.

Trust me, come here, you’ll love it!!! I say this on the condition I’m coming with you :)